Regis And White Jackets

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Regis And White Jackets
By Ice Queen

All characters, saving Regis, are copyright of Tiffany Ross, and are used for the sake of entertainment only. No profits are made, no characters claimed, I’ve only got the TV, which I can’t really blame.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the newest sensation, the greatest author since that dead English guy, Shira Lexx!!” The screen panned away from the large, fake smile of the host, showing a blue man sitting in the chair behind him. He waved slightly, looking rather uncomfortable with the attention.

“So… Shira, may I call you Shira? Shira, such an… alien name. But that’s what you are, isn’t it? An alien!” The tinny laughter rang out from the speakers around them, making a slight blush creep up the quiet man’s face. “You’ve released the top selling book of the year, and we’d just want to talk to you about it.”

“Well… umm… thanks, Regis. I wrote the story of-“ Regis smiled waving his hand negligently.

“Oh, I’m sure that’s fascinating, I’m sure I would have loved it, had I found the time to actually read it, that is. But what we would really like to know is who does your hair? I try to keep mine pointy, but yours… well, yours takes the cake!” The tinny laughter came again, making Lexx slink lower in his chair as the annoying creature droned on.

“I once had hair that pointy, but my wife threatened to make me sleep on the couch.” Regis chuckled at his own joke, the crowd rapidly joining in. And that was supposed to be funny? These humans really are brain-dead!

“But seriously, folks. Shira here is an upstanding piece of humanity… though, I suppose you aren’t really human, now are you? No matter! Everyone go out and buy Shira’s book…” He turned slightly, his eyes narrowing imperceptibly. “What was the title again, Shira?”

“Being Human.” Lexx muttered, hoping that this debacle would be over soon.

“Of course!! And a wonderful book it is!” Regis smiled, flashing the book to the stands, never even noticing as three men in black suits raced up onto the platform and violently dragged Lexx off the stage.

“That’s right, people! Seeing Humans! By Shira… What was his name again?” He looked around, saw that no one was there, and tossed the book over his shoulder with a shrug. “Oh well, our next guest will be a real treat!! Fresh from the grind, its Brittany Spears!!”

Lexx found himself in a white jacket, slamming his shoulder against the padded door in front of him, shouting at the top of his lungs. “I WANT MY LAWYER!! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE FREE!!” The sliding panel at eye height flew open, revealing a black toothed grin from one of the guards.

“You ain’t got no rights, blue-boy, your j’st a freak!” The nauseating creature spat out, the excess spittle catching on Lexx’s face and slowly making a trail down his cheek. He couldn’t wipe it away, since his hands were tightly bound in the white jacket that they had forced him to wear.

“I am not-“ He stopped, his face going blank as the rest of the statement dropped like a brick into his brain. I am not a freak… “I don’t care what a throwback ignoramus like you says, I want my lawyer!!”

He kicked the door, thankful that he could at least use his legs, smiling slightly as the vibrations caused the steel bars of the sliding window to slam into the guards face. “Get me my lawyer!! And get Chel!”

“I heard bout that Chel lady… she the one you dumped? The one you said was j’st a waste of time? The one that-“ The blue drained from Lexx’s face as the words crashed around in his head.

“I didn’t-I mean… I…” His face went pale, an odd color of white blue that made him look strange.

“I guess it don’t matter now, yer gonna be the good doc’s next… Exper’ment. I hope ya made your peace with whatever you freaks believe in, cuz yer gonna meet it reeeal soon.” The door came crashing in, three large men grabbing the still speechless Lexx by the shoulders and dragging him out of the room.

“Chel…” He whispered, heading towards his fate with unerring calm.

“Chel…” The voice ripped through the snores, making at least one of the creatures gathered around the other bunk leap up silently and pad to the opposite cot. Stealth’s eyes glowed green as she took in the dreams beneath the surface.

“That’s it… no more Regis and Kathy Lee marathons… He’s starting to have nightmares.” She said quietly, touching one pad to Lexx’s temple, then reluctantly curling up beside the blue haired male. “The things I do for love…”